Stephen Colbert Rules

Quotes from Stephen Colbert’s “tribute” to President Bush at the White House Correspondent Dinner (paraphrased):

• Bush’s low approval ratings are based on reality, and reality has a well-known liberal bias.
• This administration is soaring, not sinking. If anything, they are re-arranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.
• Bush could end the problem of protests by retired generals by refusing to let them retire.
• Bush is like Rocky Balboa, always getting punched in the face — and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world.
• I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
• When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday -- no matter what happened Tuesday.
• Fox News believes in presenting both sides of the story — the president’s side and the vice president’s side.
• I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the No Fact Zone.

As Colbert walked from the podium, when it was over, the president and First Lady gave him quick nods, unsmiling. The president shook his hand and tapped his elbow, and left immediately. Bush had quickly turned from an amused guest to an obviously offended target. You could see he stopped smiling about halfway through Colbert.