Memorable Moments from Westhampton

By 5pm on Saturday, I had done everything I had set out to do for the weekend. It all started with a trip to the supermarket where we buy too much food, followed by a meal of high-end Italian cold cuts and chugging 3 beers in 30 minutes.

Then I go to the beach and play in the water with a 10 and 8-year-old nieces of family friends. The waves are breaking very close to the shore, I invent a new sport I call sit-surfing, where you sit down and let the waves pull you and in and out. The objective is to keep your ass on the sand and your head above water. The weather is perfect, the water warm and clear.

After that, I go in the pool, which is so warm it felt like bath water. Then I read by the pool with Harley and felt truly relaxed. That’s when the drinking starts. My father-in-law is buying drinks for myself, my mother-in-law, their alcoholic friend Lionel, and my brother-in-law and his girlfriend. At Jon’s recommendation, I drInk a concoction of 4 flavored Vodkas (orange, vanilla, citrus, raspberry) topped with cranberry juice. It tastes like fruit punch, though most won’t try it. The comes another drink, then another. That’s when we decide to go for dinner.

Next thing I know, I’m barley sober and driving the yellow Hummer with Neil passed out drunk in the passenger seat, his door covered in vomit. We reach a sushi place. I do Sake Bombs with my brother in-law. I order anything and everything I want, knowing some one else will pick up the tab. Sometimes dreams do come true.

After a night spent on an aero-bed in a 55-degree room, Sunday morning begins with a beer. I make a quick trip to the beach for one last swim in the ocean. The waves are large and deep. I sing “All This Time” over and over while the waves lull me deeper into my stupor. As a surprise wave covered my head, I unwillingly donate my sunglass to the ocean floor. Goodbye, $12 sunglasses.

Later that day, and I’m in Mammy’s room looking at all the clothes Paula bought for my unborn daughter. Very cute stuff. I restring Neil’s guitar, which has been chewed up by the dogs. I help Mammy feed the dogs. One of them throws up; another one eats the undigested food. I am happy I don’t have dogs. I grab a couple more beers before we hit the train home rested and relaxed. I procrastinate at work by writing about this weekend. Time for lunch.