Traveling Gratitude

Thank You, Continental Airlines, for making me go to terminal C, only then to make me take a shuttle bus to Terminal A, all before 7:30am. Thank for having no hot breakfast options at Terminal A.

Thank You, Budweiser Brewhouse at Terminal A, for the attitude. It was the most unimpressive breakfast burrito ever. And no, asking to have sausage put in it is NOT unheard of.

Thank you, Continental, for giving me a flight attendant on cocaine.

Thanks again, Continental, for making me wait to get off the plane and then not opening the jetway door for 10 minutes. I love standing in an aluminum tin can in the sun. Really.

Thank you, Baja Fresh, for the unholy gas your delicious lunch gave me. Special shout out to the research facility for using sandpaper as toilet paper.

Thank you, peanut M&M's, for the 3 cavities and never-ending temptation.

Thank you, Southfield Marriot of Detroit, for giving me the room as far away from the elevator as possible. After a 12 hour day, God knows I could use the exercise. Not only am I exhausted, I'm staying at the hotel from the Shining.

Thank you, Marriot, for cooking my steak medium-well when I SPECIFICALLY asked for it RARE. Of course I couldn't send it back, because I was alone with 4 clients and already ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and didn't want to look like an ass sending my food back. I suffered through the crap piece of leather and couldn't even pick the stuff stuck in my teeth.

Thank you, Giants, for winning. Fuck you, Giants. GO EAGLES.

Thank you, clients, for not ordering dessert, when that was the part I was most looking forward to. As much as I wanted it, I couldn't be the only schumck with a chocolate mousse.

Thank you, clients, for not saying thank you after I pay for dinner. Not even a token smile. Nice. I really loved all the stories about people I don't know. No better way to spend 3 hours, other than the dentist's chair. Nice.

Thanks again, Marriot, for the bathroom sink that doesn't drain. Thank you gravity for letting all my toiletries fall into the sink full of nasty water.

Thank you, free internet porn, for just being you.